Its You :D

ITS YOU


You are the sun that shines my gloomy days
You are the arms that I hold to when I cry
You are the hand that lifts me when I fall
You are the wings that help to set me free
You are the eyes that see the best in me
You are the lips that I kiss when I'm in pain
You are the words that make everything sings
You are the heart that I hold tight and will never let go



By: Salsabila Omar

Breathing Arabic…. Pheeeeew

Most of you might already know that I failed my Arabic paper in the final exam so I had to go to CFS for a resit. And I did. I went there last week. But what most of you guys do not know is, I failed the resit. The A&R department called me a few days ago saying that I have to REPEAT Arabic. Kalb!

I don't know what I did wrong. I think I did well in the exams but maybe that wasn't enough for me to pass. I don't know what else to think. I thought of dropping out from IIUM no kidding. I have never felt this miserable and wretched. Thinking about it makes me depressed.

I was very close to end the IIUM chapter in my life book.

Then I went deep thinking about it. The logic behind it.

I also talked to my parents and family about dropping out from IIUM. And my Dad gave me options, the decision is all in my hand.

Since we only have one more month before the short semester ends, why not I give it another try. ONE LAST TRY. Another shot, another chance. So yes. I have made up my mind. I am going to try one more time in the pursuit of passing Arabic.

The classes for repeaters like me have already started since yesterday. I'm joining a bit late. I was having mental breakdown, seriously, pondering about what to do with my life, making the right decisions. I'm hoping that they will still allow me to join in.

Dada said learning something new is never wrong. Its for our own knowledge, and Arabic is the language of Quran so it will help me in understanding the Quran better.

I will probably be back in CFS by next week. I expect none of you would come up and ask me silly questions. I have explained everything here so I'm not looking forward to anything like that, I hope you understand.

To those in CFS, I will see you soon. Those in Gombak, if everything goes well, I will see you too inshaAllah.

No ragrets? Uh uh

You know the feeling that you don't know what to do, where to go, who to seek, how to get out of here.

I feel so lost right now. I don't know what else do I want in life. I'm hanging in the mid of the air. I have my family here with me but why this feeling?

Everything pisses me off. Nothing is right. I don't feel like talking. I don't know what is wrong…. Well everything is wrong actually.

We just got our exam result. And I have to resit my arabic paper, as expected of course. Its killing me. Why oh why do they have to make it so freaking hard. These people are torturing students to death. What do they want. For us to die studying to achieve that certain level. Its ridiculous.

The purpose of studying is to gain knowledge. To love what we learn. To enjoy it. To have fun with it. What we are doing here,, is no close to that.

Let me tell you the purpose of me learning arabic in UIA - TO PASS LEVEL 5 AND THAT WILL BE IT I WANT NOTHING MORE.

Maybe the ustaz hates me for skipping arabic classes, but I think I did quite well (for a level 2 student) in the finals. God knows.

I'm considering of moving to a university in Bangkok. Have already started with my survey. If things really work out, I will definitely drop out from UIA.

For us BEN and HS students to learn arabic until level 5 is unfair while other courses only got to take it until level 2.

Yea I know English and Arabic are the main languages they use in UIA. That is why I'm starting to regret coming here.

I don't easily regret any decision I've made. But this one? I'm not sure.

The way you write, the way you live

I told Aina about my writing, and asked for her opinion.

My writing is very simple. There are no bombastic words that can blow peoples mind. I prefer it that way. Easy to write, easy to express and most importantly, its easy for my readers to understand.

However, it is essential for us to expand our vocabulary. Especially me as a BEN (Bachelor in English) student. We cannot just sit in one place and not moving our butt. Learning new things everyday is very important.

So when I talked to Aina about this.. She said, "You tak payah guna perkataan susah susah pun takpe. You have your own style of writing, and you express yourself really well." And I was like aawwwhhh hahahaha.

Its true though. Writing is from your heart and soul. It will come naturally, and then, you write it out.

While I was writing this, I came across this website by Paulo Coelho - AN AMAZING WRITER. And I want to share it with my readers! :D

http://paulocoelhoblog.com/2014/10/31/writing-tips/

Meeting Kouhei

The japanese guy that I met is Kouhei, and who has also become my friend. He inspires me so much.

As I've mentioned it multiple times before, I want to travel. Seeing Kouhei doing the thing that I want to do makes me go aaaaahhhhh

He has been travelling for one year. He started off in the US, then South America. Then he went to China, India, Nepal, Tibet and many other places. ITS AMAZING!

I first met him in Melaka. He was the one who thought I was Spanish ahahaha. We talked for a while, and he mentioned about going to Thailand after Malaysia. Then we said sayonara and that was it. 

Yesterday when I was on my way to Golok, I saw a guy that has similar figures as him. The hair, the beard, the back. And he had the same orange bag hahaha. I thought to myself, "that can't be him." Then I tried to look more closely, and yeah.. Its him. 

He was equally surprised when he saw me. He asked how did I find him hahaha. This is crazy. When everything is already written, nothing can come in between. I decided to go to Golok on that day, and he chose to do so. This is destiny! 

Maybe God has sent him to meet me again to show me that its not impossible to realize my dream. It is possible for me to travel the world and learn about cultures and the people. I also told Kouhei about how I want to travel and keep writing. To be able to travel and write. I will, inshaAllah, one day travel the world and live my dream!!

And now I'm reading The Alchemist. A story about following our dream. It's incredible.

When I told my family about me meeting Kouhei, they gave me the same response, "jodoh la mung duo ore tu." 

Listen to me

I don't know who is still up at this hour but never mind. I just feel like writing. Just pouring it out.

I feel kinda empty right now. With CFS coming to an end. I love CFS. Maybe at times I hate it because of the rules, and sometimes the people. I have created so many memories there. Have met so many people. Who have, I would say, changed me. Probably not the whole me, but a part of me. I don't like goodbyes. I seriously don't. It's terrible and heartbreaking. Like they say, setiap pertemuan ada perpisahan. Does it always have to be that way?

I have a problem of letting things go. I hold on to something for too long sometimes. It's like I'm attached to it. It is a problem. Like I feel attached to CFS now ahahah. It's my home, my second home. I love my bed. I don't really like the shower rooms to be honest. Kuew teaw goreng kat Mahallah Aisyah is actually one of the best I've ever tasted. The kiosk. Some of the guards are nice. The lecturers! Mr Nazriq, Madam Adlina and Madam Adibah are the best so far. Madam Hanita never taught me. And believe it or not, I didn't get to say goodbye to any of them! I'm so disappointed. How can I forget Miss Dayana. Everyone says we are sisters. Hahaha it's a huge compliment. She's very pretty ☺️  And Ustaz Nima is so funny. I had those sleepy moments in his class, but he's a very good lecturer. Ustaz Shapizan is so nice too hahaha. Btq btq.

I won't list everything out but in short, I'm just gonna miss CFS. I'm missing it already.
................

This has nothing to do with CFS, but at times I feel like I always come second. It's like I'm always the 2nd option. Like people only come to me when they have no one else to go to. With the guys that I like for example. I'm always the NEXT option girl. I feel useless and unwanted and unappreciated. I don't like it when I feel that about myself because I want to love myself. I don't wish for a perfect man. I just want him to appreciate and love me.

It's 2 in the morning and maybe I feel lonely that is why I'm saying all this. I just hope he can hear me without me saying a word.

Remember Me

Remember me when you're going
Remember me when you're leaving

Remember me when you're gone
Remember me when you're done

Remember me when you're in fear
Remember me when the sky is clear

Remember me when you're in hurry
Remember me when the road gets blurry

Remember me when you forget the way
Remember me when you have a brighter day

Remember me when you're terrified
Remember me as I will always be by your side

Remember me, do not forget
For I shall always remember you


Love,
Salsabila Omar


AND SELAMAT HARI RAYA TO ALL OF YOU!!!! <3