wonder and wander

Its always language and Geography

Its weird but thats how I like it

I am still wondering

but I guess I just love mysteries 

I am still wandering 

but I guess I will just let the wind takes me to my next destination

And I will leave it all to you to make the next step on the stairs of destiny. 

.

The Internet is slowly killing my brain cells.


HOW IRONIC... 

I have other plans

Watching all these movies about romance and weddings makes me wanna have my own love story and plan my wedding day. 

But that ain't gonna happen anytime soon. 

Being a 21 year old girl, just like everyone else my age.. we have dreams to catch, things to accomplish before we start a life with someone else. Marriage is a huge commitment and I'm not ready for that yet. I still have a whole world out there to see. I still have goals to score. Getting married is probably one of them, but thats not my concern right now. 

I used to be worried about getting married. But since these past few months, I started to see things differently. Something hit me and I think marriage is not the answer to everything that I want. Of course it would delightful if you already found someone who's willing to sacrifice for your happiness. But if you haven't, don't fret. It's still a long journey ahead. And I am ready to explore it. 

I'm done

I'm done believing in you
You've gone away lying to me

I'm done hoping for miracles
You're gone leaving me hopeless

I'm done crying my eyes out
You've gone making me crumble into pieces

I'm done dreaming of fairy tales
You've gone taking the fantasy out of me

I'm done wanting for more
Because all I'd gone through was never worth fighting for

You didn't try
You didn't fight
You gave up
When all you had to do was to spit it out loud

I shall cherish those moments
Those moments spent together
Together I thought would be forever
Forever it would be in my heart and soul

It was never a mistake knowing you
It was never a mistake falling in love with you

The time we spent was not wasted
Because it was happiness all over the place
And happiness is all I want right here right now
Over and over again, just like how it used to be

....

You pull me and you push me. I'm breaking apart deciding whether to leave or to stay.

Sometimes you would talk, sometimes you would refuse to utter a single word. You're mysterious just like the hidden treasure in the woods.

You stand up for what is right. You fight for what is yours. You keep close of what belongs to you. And I wonder if you would do the same if I was in your possession.

The wisdom in you that finds solution to every problem. I love the silliness in you despite everything else.

The mind that is like no other. The hand that is a giver. The heart that has no taker. The personality that is not in order. The face that reflects the moonlight. The smile that can cause hearts to shatter. All I want is for you to be a keeper. Keeper of the heart, keeper of the soul.

What do I do to have you know.. What's buried inside is making me tremble. I'll keep holding it until its time to dig it open. Open for you to see, open so you will know the suffer.

....

The feeling inside that is burning.. I wanna let it out but it will only cause fire. The fire that gives you pain and anger and frustration. All of these combined and burst out in flames... The flames of rage, the flames of wrath, the flames of disappointment, the flames of madness. 

When feelings struck and you are stuck. The love you can't deny, the hatred you can't hide. Waves of emotions hitting on the shore. I can't help but to drown myself so it goes back to where it belongs, the ocean. 

You wanna cover yourself in the blanket of safety, but it won't fit. The blanket is too small to contain the insecurity and vulnerablity. You can't hide enough. 

To let this thought out of my mind is one of the hardest things, but I have to do it.. Before the burning gets worse, and the flames that will strike 

As free as a bird? Not yet.

I can't wait to finish my studies and get away from everything here. It will be a fresh start.

I wasn't made to stay in one place. Its my job and my desire to explore more and see whats out there. Away from where I am now, away from the people I know now.

When I think of it, it might be difficult for me. But what is life without risk? We all ought to take risks and see our capabilities and we shall see how far we can go.

From where I stand right now, my longing is bounded. I can't spread my wings too wide because something will eventually catch me and tie my wings up. I'm not as free as a bird now but I will be, someday.

People that I've met had taught me different things and had helped me in finding myself. I thank them for that. I still am finding myself and I guess will never stop. Its soul searching...

Some people are nice to me, super nice. But some can be harsh. I'm thankful for the friends I have, for those who love me. Friends are the family you choose for yourself, they say. Family is a gift from God and it is truly a great blessing to have them in my life. I fight with them a lot, we quarrel. I get annoyed, most of the time. I get mad, when they ask me to do so many things at once because I'm not a robot and I hate being bossed around. But what is family without all that?

I can't wait until the day comes. When I finally get to release the chain and set my wings free. I wonder where will they lead me to. I wonder where will they bring me. The world is huge, they can take me anywhere..

Not Antarctica I hope.