Listen to me

I don't know who is still up at this hour but never mind. I just feel like writing. Just pouring it out.

I feel kinda empty right now. With CFS coming to an end. I love CFS. Maybe at times I hate it because of the rules, and sometimes the people. I have created so many memories there. Have met so many people. Who have, I would say, changed me. Probably not the whole me, but a part of me. I don't like goodbyes. I seriously don't. It's terrible and heartbreaking. Like they say, setiap pertemuan ada perpisahan. Does it always have to be that way?

I have a problem of letting things go. I hold on to something for too long sometimes. It's like I'm attached to it. It is a problem. Like I feel attached to CFS now ahahah. It's my home, my second home. I love my bed. I don't really like the shower rooms to be honest. Kuew teaw goreng kat Mahallah Aisyah is actually one of the best I've ever tasted. The kiosk. Some of the guards are nice. The lecturers! Mr Nazriq, Madam Adlina and Madam Adibah are the best so far. Madam Hanita never taught me. And believe it or not, I didn't get to say goodbye to any of them! I'm so disappointed. How can I forget Miss Dayana. Everyone says we are sisters. Hahaha it's a huge compliment. She's very pretty ☺️  And Ustaz Nima is so funny. I had those sleepy moments in his class, but he's a very good lecturer. Ustaz Shapizan is so nice too hahaha. Btq btq.

I won't list everything out but in short, I'm just gonna miss CFS. I'm missing it already.
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This has nothing to do with CFS, but at times I feel like I always come second. It's like I'm always the 2nd option. Like people only come to me when they have no one else to go to. With the guys that I like for example. I'm always the NEXT option girl. I feel useless and unwanted and unappreciated. I don't like it when I feel that about myself because I want to love myself. I don't wish for a perfect man. I just want him to appreciate and love me.

It's 2 in the morning and maybe I feel lonely that is why I'm saying all this. I just hope he can hear me without me saying a word.