Mother and Father! :D

In my 20 years of living, I've learnt a lot of things. I've seen a lot of incredible things with my eyes. Crazy life experience.

The most important is I learnt how to care and love. Its none other than my family who taught me this. The love I have for my family beat everything else.

Especially my parents.

When we think of all the sacrifices our parents have done for us, its unimaginable. I wonder if I could do the same when I become a parent to my kids.

Today, I want to talk about my mom and dad.

Dada (if you're reading this),

You're such an amazing man and an incredible father to your children. I can't imagine how our life would be if we didn't have you as our dad. You have sacrificed so much, have gone through a lot and have done so many things for your kids.

You teach me how important it is to be nice to people. It doesn't matter the age, the religion, whether you're wealthy or poor.. We treat people equally. You love helping people but I'm sure everyone knows that. You try to help everyone around you in the best way possible. Be it our own family, your friends, the people who work for you and even strangers. People know you for that. Go to Pasir Mas or Sungai Kolok and ask who Omar Akbar is, they will show the way to our house right away.

Of course in life we can never please everyone. You can be the nicest person on Earth or the cruellest, they will always have something bad to say about you. How they make up stories about you, spreading false rumours. But Dada, you always choose to not care about them. Because those who love you, will trust you and stay. And those who don't, will get up and leave.

I'm still a kid and I might not understand some of the matters.. But I know what you have been through all these years are exceptionally tough. Only a strong man like you can survive it.

To Mami, (Kakak or Kak Yam, please tunjuk kok mami)

Hi mami hehehe. I miss you. YOU ARE THE BEST COOK AND I LOVE YOU.

I don't want to be cheesy here. I'm a very shy person :P


Mami and Dada are the two most important people in my life. I don't know what would I do without them, both of them are my hero.

Actions speak louder than words. Our parents don't need to advise us in everything about what to do and what not to do.. We see it from their actions, that is also a process of learning.

Mami and Dada, I love both of you so much. And I want you to be here for me, forever and always.


I always make fun about me not being your daughter because I'm the only with curly hair and I look like none of us in the family. Hahaha. With DNA test or no DNA test, I am your daughter and you are my parents. I love you.

Its You :D

ITS YOU


You are the sun that shines my gloomy days
You are the arms that I hold to when I cry
You are the hand that lifts me when I fall
You are the wings that help to set me free
You are the eyes that see the best in me
You are the lips that I kiss when I'm in pain
You are the words that make everything sings
You are the heart that I hold tight and will never let go



By: Salsabila Omar

Breathing Arabic…. Pheeeeew

Most of you might already know that I failed my Arabic paper in the final exam so I had to go to CFS for a resit. And I did. I went there last week. But what most of you guys do not know is, I failed the resit. The A&R department called me a few days ago saying that I have to REPEAT Arabic. Kalb!

I don't know what I did wrong. I think I did well in the exams but maybe that wasn't enough for me to pass. I don't know what else to think. I thought of dropping out from IIUM no kidding. I have never felt this miserable and wretched. Thinking about it makes me depressed.

I was very close to end the IIUM chapter in my life book.

Then I went deep thinking about it. The logic behind it.

I also talked to my parents and family about dropping out from IIUM. And my Dad gave me options, the decision is all in my hand.

Since we only have one more month before the short semester ends, why not I give it another try. ONE LAST TRY. Another shot, another chance. So yes. I have made up my mind. I am going to try one more time in the pursuit of passing Arabic.

The classes for repeaters like me have already started since yesterday. I'm joining a bit late. I was having mental breakdown, seriously, pondering about what to do with my life, making the right decisions. I'm hoping that they will still allow me to join in.

Dada said learning something new is never wrong. Its for our own knowledge, and Arabic is the language of Quran so it will help me in understanding the Quran better.

I will probably be back in CFS by next week. I expect none of you would come up and ask me silly questions. I have explained everything here so I'm not looking forward to anything like that, I hope you understand.

To those in CFS, I will see you soon. Those in Gombak, if everything goes well, I will see you too inshaAllah.

No ragrets? Uh uh

You know the feeling that you don't know what to do, where to go, who to seek, how to get out of here.

I feel so lost right now. I don't know what else do I want in life. I'm hanging in the mid of the air. I have my family here with me but why this feeling?

Everything pisses me off. Nothing is right. I don't feel like talking. I don't know what is wrong…. Well everything is wrong actually.

We just got our exam result. And I have to resit my arabic paper, as expected of course. Its killing me. Why oh why do they have to make it so freaking hard. These people are torturing students to death. What do they want. For us to die studying to achieve that certain level. Its ridiculous.

The purpose of studying is to gain knowledge. To love what we learn. To enjoy it. To have fun with it. What we are doing here,, is no close to that.

Let me tell you the purpose of me learning arabic in UIA - TO PASS LEVEL 5 AND THAT WILL BE IT I WANT NOTHING MORE.

Maybe the ustaz hates me for skipping arabic classes, but I think I did quite well (for a level 2 student) in the finals. God knows.

I'm considering of moving to a university in Bangkok. Have already started with my survey. If things really work out, I will definitely drop out from UIA.

For us BEN and HS students to learn arabic until level 5 is unfair while other courses only got to take it until level 2.

Yea I know English and Arabic are the main languages they use in UIA. That is why I'm starting to regret coming here.

I don't easily regret any decision I've made. But this one? I'm not sure.

The way you write, the way you live

I told Aina about my writing, and asked for her opinion.

My writing is very simple. There are no bombastic words that can blow peoples mind. I prefer it that way. Easy to write, easy to express and most importantly, its easy for my readers to understand.

However, it is essential for us to expand our vocabulary. Especially me as a BEN (Bachelor in English) student. We cannot just sit in one place and not moving our butt. Learning new things everyday is very important.

So when I talked to Aina about this.. She said, "You tak payah guna perkataan susah susah pun takpe. You have your own style of writing, and you express yourself really well." And I was like aawwwhhh hahahaha.

Its true though. Writing is from your heart and soul. It will come naturally, and then, you write it out.

While I was writing this, I came across this website by Paulo Coelho - AN AMAZING WRITER. And I want to share it with my readers! :D

http://paulocoelhoblog.com/2014/10/31/writing-tips/

Meeting Kouhei

The japanese guy that I met is Kouhei, and who has also become my friend. He inspires me so much.

As I've mentioned it multiple times before, I want to travel. Seeing Kouhei doing the thing that I want to do makes me go aaaaahhhhh

He has been travelling for one year. He started off in the US, then South America. Then he went to China, India, Nepal, Tibet and many other places. ITS AMAZING!

I first met him in Melaka. He was the one who thought I was Spanish ahahaha. We talked for a while, and he mentioned about going to Thailand after Malaysia. Then we said sayonara and that was it. 

Yesterday when I was on my way to Golok, I saw a guy that has similar figures as him. The hair, the beard, the back. And he had the same orange bag hahaha. I thought to myself, "that can't be him." Then I tried to look more closely, and yeah.. Its him. 

He was equally surprised when he saw me. He asked how did I find him hahaha. This is crazy. When everything is already written, nothing can come in between. I decided to go to Golok on that day, and he chose to do so. This is destiny! 

Maybe God has sent him to meet me again to show me that its not impossible to realize my dream. It is possible for me to travel the world and learn about cultures and the people. I also told Kouhei about how I want to travel and keep writing. To be able to travel and write. I will, inshaAllah, one day travel the world and live my dream!!

And now I'm reading The Alchemist. A story about following our dream. It's incredible.

When I told my family about me meeting Kouhei, they gave me the same response, "jodoh la mung duo ore tu." 

Listen to me

I don't know who is still up at this hour but never mind. I just feel like writing. Just pouring it out.

I feel kinda empty right now. With CFS coming to an end. I love CFS. Maybe at times I hate it because of the rules, and sometimes the people. I have created so many memories there. Have met so many people. Who have, I would say, changed me. Probably not the whole me, but a part of me. I don't like goodbyes. I seriously don't. It's terrible and heartbreaking. Like they say, setiap pertemuan ada perpisahan. Does it always have to be that way?

I have a problem of letting things go. I hold on to something for too long sometimes. It's like I'm attached to it. It is a problem. Like I feel attached to CFS now ahahah. It's my home, my second home. I love my bed. I don't really like the shower rooms to be honest. Kuew teaw goreng kat Mahallah Aisyah is actually one of the best I've ever tasted. The kiosk. Some of the guards are nice. The lecturers! Mr Nazriq, Madam Adlina and Madam Adibah are the best so far. Madam Hanita never taught me. And believe it or not, I didn't get to say goodbye to any of them! I'm so disappointed. How can I forget Miss Dayana. Everyone says we are sisters. Hahaha it's a huge compliment. She's very pretty ☺️  And Ustaz Nima is so funny. I had those sleepy moments in his class, but he's a very good lecturer. Ustaz Shapizan is so nice too hahaha. Btq btq.

I won't list everything out but in short, I'm just gonna miss CFS. I'm missing it already.
................

This has nothing to do with CFS, but at times I feel like I always come second. It's like I'm always the 2nd option. Like people only come to me when they have no one else to go to. With the guys that I like for example. I'm always the NEXT option girl. I feel useless and unwanted and unappreciated. I don't like it when I feel that about myself because I want to love myself. I don't wish for a perfect man. I just want him to appreciate and love me.

It's 2 in the morning and maybe I feel lonely that is why I'm saying all this. I just hope he can hear me without me saying a word.

Remember Me

Remember me when you're going
Remember me when you're leaving

Remember me when you're gone
Remember me when you're done

Remember me when you're in fear
Remember me when the sky is clear

Remember me when you're in hurry
Remember me when the road gets blurry

Remember me when you forget the way
Remember me when you have a brighter day

Remember me when you're terrified
Remember me as I will always be by your side

Remember me, do not forget
For I shall always remember you


Love,
Salsabila Omar


AND SELAMAT HARI RAYA TO ALL OF YOU!!!! <3

Changing. Be it big, or small.

I used to think that changing ourselves would mean not being you and try changing into somebody else. You would lose the YOU in you and you would not have that aura or unique thing about you anymore.

The TODAY me thinks the YESTERDAY me was wrong, yet again.

In life, we constantly change. To keep going forward, we need to keep changing ourselves for the better.

I used to be afraid of changing myself. I had this weird feeling that if I change myself, I would not be me. And people will hate me for it. People will hate me for changing to be a different person. I had strange things in mind that I got afraid of changing to be someone new. When in fact, in order to be a better person we have to regularly make adjustment on ourselves.

Changing doesn't mean you switch yourself entirely to be a different person. It means modifying yourself for your own good. The purpose of changing is to improve ourselves to be the person we want to be.

In my circumstances, I have changed a lot. In fact, I'm still in the process of changing and will never stop. The people that I meet everyday slowly change me. Every obstacle that I've gone through has changed me. Being in IIUM has changed me. All those experiences have changed the way I think and see things. If I hadn't changed a single bit, I would still be the same person I was 5 years ago who was immature and who knew nothing about Linguistics or al-lughatul arabiah.

For us to always be in progress, we have to walk up the stairs. And see how we view the world in each and every step we take. See the difference of how we perceive things in different steps.

Do what you love. Love what you do.

It has been a long tiring day of accompanying my sister shopping. Tomorrow is my day to shop, she promised me ;D

As I'm on my way back home to Damansara, I can't help but to think of my future. What will I become someday? What kind of person am I going to be?

Some of you might already know about my passion in becoming a writer. Seeing famous blogger such as Kristina Bazan encourages me even more. How being only 20 years old, she has achieved so much. She is now in NYC, attending and writing about fashion week. It's amazing.

When I think about it again,, I was wrong. I don't need a man in my life. Not yet. I have still a long way to go. I have yet to write my journey in becoming who I want to be. To not give up in my passion. To keep moving forward.

Travel and writing is one thing. But not to forget the children of Palestines, the women in Afganistan, the sex slaves in Thailand, the drug war in Mexico. I want to be able to portray the world behind our wall. To describe in details about the suffer of the people. What every drop of blood gives meaning to them.

There's a lot more in this world than what we see. And it's our job to open the curtain wideeee.

The Long Road

THE LONG ROAD

By Salsabila Omar


The slow breeze of wind
The images of my loved ones playing on my mind
The picture of us running is the best kind
Those relationships are binds.

Along the road far away from home
No destination, no where to go
The long car ride with my love
The warmth of his hand is so close to me.

The sun setting shining so bright
Its time for a short goodbye
The beautiful colour of rays reflecting the sea
I feel nature so close to me.

A long straight road
With wind blowing my hair
I see a long beach
I close my eyes
And a thousand memories come.


This is one of the poems I wrote for our poetry class. It's very simple but yeah!

Love love <3

If You Forget Me

If little by little you stop loving me
I shall stop loving you little by little.

If suddenly you forget me
do not look for me,
for I shall already have forgotten you.

If you think it long and mad,
the wind of banners
that passes through my life,
and you decide
to leave me at the shore
of the heart where I have roots,
remember that on that day,
at that hour,
I shall lift my arms
and my roots will set off
to seek another land.


This is one of the poems I got from 'Love Poems by Pablo Neruda.' Its not the complete poem, I only took some part of it.  LOVE IT!  <3

DEATH

Death takes away your life
Death diverges your soul from your body
Death sets you apart from your love 
Death is leaving this momentary world for the eternal hereafter
Death is leaving everything behind for your Master
Death is the ugly truth
Death is the reality we can't escape
Death gives you temporary darkness for the endless light from God

What is Love

You know when you have that tingling in your stomach your throat your spine, its all over your body.

Thats what I'm feeling right now. Rasa macam nak muntah and stuff. Hahaha. Its not love, I don't think its love. But I might be falling waduhhh. I promised myself that I will never fall in love with any guy except for my husband. I find myself wanting the same thing as Maryam. She said "My husband will be my boyfriend."

I believe that we only fall in love once. But I've never been in love so I can't really tell which one is right which one is not. I've never loved someone like that, you know.. I love my family I love my friends I love food. But to have someone that you care, that you long to love, that you want him to be by your side the whole time? Nope, never experience anything like that. As I mentioned it in one of my posts before, to those of you who have someone to take care for you and to love you.. you are very lucky :)

I used to have crushes, but crushes are different. I don't know if its crazy but I sometimes think too far of them, and I imagine things hahaha. Like how are we going to fall in love, or how will we get married, how many kids are we going to have etc etc.

 I'm actually looking for the same thing as Ted Mosby - true love. I'm sure we are all looking for true love isn't it. There are times when I want my love story to be just like Ted and Tracy. How they met each other, and from that yellow umbrella. In my case, my umbrella is pink! Hahahah.

Being in love is a wonderful thing. To love someone and to have someone to love you is one of the most amazing feeling. And when your love last forever,, its just beautiful. Just like how grandpa loved grandma so much that they couldn't be apart even for three days. It has been 2 years since grandma left us. And my grandfather is not the man that he used to be. He is not as cheerful as before. I still remember the first few weeks when grandma passed away, it was terrible.

CFS IS NOT CFS

CFS is not fun anymore. This is only the 2nd week for the semester and it feels like months dah.. I don't know what to do.

I feel so lonely and kinda lost too, not seeing people that I know. As I said before, most of my classmates have graduated. They are now waiting to go to Gombak in Septenber inshaAllah. I miss everyone. Husna especially. And Marissa Ara Sakinah Aisyah Fatin Hafiza Minaaaa semua lah.

I have no one to go night walking, and dropping by UKC to buy ABC. I miss doing that with Husna. And we would walk around the campus, talking about stuff. We walk we talk we stalk. Hahahhaa. I miss Ara for always been the one who takes pictures of us after every class on Fridays.

I miss our first semester too. That was the best really. It was June last year.. Meeting everyone for the first time. That feeling of meeting new people and knowing everyone. The enthusiasm and the energy I had. I wonder where did that go. I need to find it again, its still there, somewhere.

When I first talked to Maryam in our BTQ class. When I first saw Ibrahim walking back and forth to IRKHS Department. When I first saw Hassan masa dia ada rambut lagi ahahahah. I talked to Sajiah the first time at pasar malam when I thought she was Maryam. It didn't take that much time for us to be friends. Afghanis know how to make friends, I'm telling you the truth. And Hibaaa, that smarty pants Algerian girl. I still remember when she asked for my BBpin. And Alya of course, I first met her mat pasar malam jugak. I was so surprised to know that she is also from Kelantan! Wafiiiii.. I met him at Ali Bi. He was with Hassan, and it was in Ramadhan.. yeah. They came to our table and kitorang chit chat. I saw him a few times before that though. He was the tallest guy in CFS kot, before Kamal came hahahaha.

I just can't wait to finish everything here, and move to Gombak in January, or February I'm not sure. I hope theres a brighter life for me, and a brighter love hahahahaha (Lala Lam if you're reading this, hiiiii hehehehe peace) Lala Lam is my eldest brother. His name is Alam Khan but I call him Lala Lam. Lala is like Abang macam tu la :))


P.S :   I will remember this as long as I could. I'm not gonna say forever because forever is too long ;)  But these are all memories. And memories stay with us forever.

Love <3

To do what you want to do

My cousin's husband, who is pretty close to me, asked me something today..

"What are you going to do after you finished studying? Are you gonna find a job?"

And I said "Yes of course."

Then he asked "What about after you get married?"

Soooo okay..

Living in my family.. we are Pathans. And some of us still stick to our tradition/culture/anything you call it about women should stay at home when they are married to take care of their husband and kids. Most of my dad's friends think the same way too (this is hard ok)

I am an ambitious person..  Hahaha am I? Anyway as I said before.. I want to travel the world.  I want to work. I want to do the job that I love doing. I want to write. I want to be a writer. I want the world to know my name. I want my family to be proud of me.
Also.. I want a family of my own. I want a good husband. I want to have kids. I want to spend time with my family. I want to go picnics with them. And also my family now.. My parents, my siblings, my nephews and nieces when they're all grown up.. I want to see them growing up (thats one of the most beautiful things in the world), and I'm going to want to spend time with my little grown up monkeys later on in my life.

Will I be able to do so much things in life? Will I be able to do all these? I'm not the kind of person who can just stay in one place for the rest of my life. I need to keep moving. I need to explore new place, new food, new what else you name it.

This is not easy. I'm already thinking so much about everything I can't help myself! My brain is coping with many things right now. But yeah, our brain never stop working.


To the women who sacrifice their education and work for the sake of having a family.. I, SALUTE YOU. I don't think I can do that. #girlpower

Happy birthday Salsabila!

Soooo, its passed midnight. I am now twenty years and one day old.

I was at home the whole day. It rained heavily today. And as you all know, I'm not fond of rain. So I stayed at home, went out for a while but I was just in the car.

And yeah, I'm not actually in Pasir Mas right now. I'm in Golok! My sister lives here. My parents are here too now. Golok is like my second home. My granddad lives here. I only have one grandparent now. My grandfather from Dada's side passed away a loooong time ago since before I was born. My grandmother from Mami's side passed away in 2012. And Dada's mother passed away just recently, in April. God I miss them so much.

About the birthday celebration today.. I had two cakes. Hahaha. Dada bought one cake for me, and another one was from Lala Lam. They didn't know they were both bringing cakes for me. Semua habis,  I think. It wasn't that much though. Not my whole family was here. There were a quarter of my siblings, my aunties (not all) and my cousins (not all).

I don't know why but I've always wanted to have a surprise birthday party. Like someone throwing you a surprise birthday party. I love surprises :D Wait wait.. I gotta wait till my 21st birthday hahahaha. Someone is gonna show up and throw me the best birthday celebration!!  ....hmm....

I would love it if everyone gathers together for my birthday. Family gathering, thats what I love the most. To see all those happy faces, the gossips, the laughs and love.

And birthday gifts!! Maybe people think when you get older, they don't feel the need to get you presents on your birthday. Well I want birthday presents. I STILL DO! They are the bestttt.

My nephew came to me early this morning when I was still in bed.. He whispers "happy birthday moksu Bila." Its so cute. I'm so blessed to have the monkeys with me. I wrestle them every single day. I don't have to go to gym and work out anymore. I have them, no worries. I chase them around the house everyday. Hahaha

To you guys who have wished me "happy birthday" "hb" and all those long speeches (hahaha).. I wanna say thank you. THANK YOU SO MUCH. I love birthday wishes too :))) You have no idea how happy I am, and I appreciate every one of them. Thank you for remembering. Some of you might have marked it on your calendar, or Facebook reminded you of it hahahah.



Anyhow, a big thank you to all!!! I love you guys <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

VEINTEEEE! :D

Its 1 am, June 4th 2014. I AM OFFICIALLY TWENTY YESSSS

I was born at 1.15am twenty years ago at Hospital USM, Kelantan. Thats a very long time ago eh, hahaha.

To be honest, I wasn't very excited about turning 20, really. I like being nineteen. I turned 19 in 2013. And 2013 is by far, my favourite year. Lets see what 20 awaits me!

I look forward to my birthday every year, but who doesn't duhhh. What else do I want to say, ermmm, I actually have to think here, hmmm okay hold on. . . . . . .  . . .

Oh yeah... I bet most people do something crazy or fun or something that they can remember forever before turning TWENTY since theres no TEEN in it anymore ahahah.

What I did was,, reading A Thousand Splendid Suns and was crying like mad. Yeah. Khaled Hosseini is truly an amazing storyteller.

I still can't believe it though. I am twenty. Like, is this real? Is this really happening? And everyone is saying that I don't look 20 at all, and I don't act like one too.
But does that really matter? I think what matters the most is whats in your heart. If your heart is strong enough to face the world, then you gooo. You can live the world out there, with strength and courage and love, thats the most important :) <3

Oh yeah, and I'm blogging. I'm blogging on the night I turn 20 (gotta remember this)

Btw, today is also Ashman's birthday. Happy birthdaaaay Ashman!!! My little twinnieeee hahaha

Viajar

Seeing pictures of people travelling around the world makes my butt aches.
I WANT TO TRAVEL THE WORLD!

Paris Rome Venice Milan Barcelona London Amsterdam Istanbul Morocco New York Chicago Alaska Rio de Janeiro Dubai Cape Town Budapest Prague.. the list goes on and on and on.. Bahamas! Maldives is AMAAAZING TOO. I went there early in January.. STUNNING.

Its one of the reasons why I want to be a journalist. To travel the world and talk about the people and culture and write articles for magazines. Wouldn't that be awesome? I could work for some travelling agencies. Tourism and Arts! usdhcjsncijahciuahdiua. And I should start learning photography. Buy a good camera. Slowly start learning from there..

I'm turning 20 in a few days. Time is flying and passing by. There's no time to 'play-play' anymore. I need to be more serious (I'm still gonna be me. Still the old typical weird salsa) Time is tick-tocking. Its moving, super fast. You gotta catch up, and use it to do things that you want. To do things that make you happy. Use it to reach for you dreams. People say, always aim for the brightest star. If you can't get the brightest, at least you'll get the less brighter and its still a star.

There will come a time when you realize that life is so much more than what we see around us today. There is so much more out there, ready to be explored. We just have to shove our butt a little bit, get out from the bed, and gooo, EXPLORE.

I would loveeee to go diving, but I'm too afraid of sharks. My brother and his son already have diving license, dammit.
I have to practice to become more adventurous. YES :D

I can't think of a title

I JUST TALKED TO PAOLAAAA, through Skype of course.

After all this while, I could finally see her and hear her voice again.. I miss Paola, really. She's my italian friend that I always (?) talk about. She was an exchange student here. She stayed at my house for a year. She came to Malaysia in June 2012, and went back to Italy in June 2013. AFS Exchange Student Programme is amazing. It really creates a bond between the student and the host family. Paola has been away for almost a year now, but we still keep in touch. And thanks to the social network! hahaha.

My dad was an exchange student too (under AFS). He went to America back in 1964 or 1965, im not sure. He stayed in Iowa with this one lovely family. It has been 50 years.. 50 YEARS. But Dada still contacts them. My dad calls his host parents 'Grandpa and Grandma.' They are now 90 years++. Thats crazy. He went there a few times to visit them after the programme had finished. He is planning to go and see them again soon.

You see.. the relationships we have with people are amazing. Someone who was a stranger to us could be one who is dear to our heart. Like Paola.. She was a total stranger, who came all the way from Ivrea, Italy and lived with us. And now, we are friends (more like family actually, she was my host sister). I'm planning to visit her someday with Juman.. If only Dada let us hahaha.

It upsets me to see someone who is our kin, willing to betray and do bad things toward us. Shameless human being. I'm not talking about me here.. God forbid it. But there are people I know that are willing and have the guts to do such thing to their family. Its terrible.

Blondieeeee

I've always wanted to colour my hair blonde. My hair is curly so imagine if its blonde!!! aaaahjhreworyuirf. But now, seeing all these so many hair colours are driving me nuts. They have yellow blue purple pink grey red etc etc etc. My favourite is purple. I want purple hair. Or a bit blondish. Or I'll just stick to black. yeah

I wonder how I wonder why

I wonder if people read this. Before I make my blog, I didn't care if people were gonna read it or not. I thought I would just write everything I want without thinking too much. But now.. I do. I kinda want to know if people read it. But then,, whatever. I'm just gonna talk(?). I'm just gonna write with people reading it,, or naaaahh. It doesn't matter anymore.

Finding MY Nemo :P

I've been thinking a lot about marriage nowadays hahaha.
Probably because my cousin just got married, and my sister is getting married later in September and we are all planning and talking about it. My life is surrounded with the word "nikoh nikoh nikoh"(bukan nikon ye hahahah)

I'm not sure about the future, but at this point in my life.. I only think about finding the right guy for myself. Well maybe, yes, its too early.. but right now, I don't have the feeling to go messing around, getting to know guys, flirting, go cute-guys-hunting etc etc.

I've never had a boyfriend before this.. And I'm actually proud of myself. Well maybe takde orang pernah mengorat because boys don't really like me hahahaha. But thank God.. I'm happy with it :) But to you guys yang ada boyfriend girlfriend tu, congratulations! You have someone by your side to make you happy and be in love :D I've never been in love before, yeah.

I liked this one guy in uia. We've known each other since my first semester in CFS. People say when you have a crush on or like someone for more than 3-4 months, that means you're already in love. Hahahaha. I don't think I'm in love with him though. Its like a maaajor crush. But not anymore I guess. The feeling is slowly fading away.

I am now determined to find a good man. A man that will 1) walk beside me hand in hand and help me go through every thing that comes in my way.  2) accept my gila-gila side. 3) laugh with me at all my jokes. 4) do stupid stuff alongside me. 5) appreciate me and what I do in my life (literature, journalism). 6) be old but still buy me flowers and chocolate ( I will still love chocolate when I'm 70). 7) be an amazing father to my children. 8) stay with me forever. 9) love and appreciate my family just like I do. 10) never leave me. 11) love me till the end of time.

Thats not too much to ask for eh.. Its not hard to find this kind of guy. Not all men are the same. I believe there are still plenty of them out there who are searching for the same thing.

Looks is not number 1 on my list in finding the guy. Personality is very important. You have to be kind, polite and brave, funny and a bit naughty hahahaha ;P Intelligence! Everyone loves intelligent guys. Good looks tu, semua orang nak kan. But beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder. I may find Shah Rukh Khan and Robert Downey Jr. hot damn perfect.. But Geena will always prefer Daehyun over everyone (hahahaha love you Geens)

So yeaaapp. I will find my man. Maybe not now, maybe not in the next 2 years.. but I will :))

Loveeee <3

A better world we all wish for

Hello everyone..

Well as you can see in my last post, I wrote "sanah helwah" while I actually intended to say Goodnight in arabic hahahaha total fail!

Tonight I'm gonna talk about the bombings in Sungai Golok yesterday.
It was horrible. We were on our way back home and my sister called Mami telling 2 bombs have exploded. We thought maybe that would be it,, but no. They exploded SIX BOMBS, in between two to three hours. THAT is a new record.

This thing going on in Thailand right now is out of control. I can't make any speculation on this. Many people are saying that the person or party or whatever you call it, behind all of this is a muslim group. Diorang nak kebebasan dari kerajaan Siam or something like that, I have to ask Dada more about this.

So now, I'm quite scared to go to Golok. I was actually planning to go there this week. Those who live dekat sana lagi la takut nak keluar rumah. My sister lives there. She's really worried about this. Her kids go to school there, and with the work and all. I don't get it why can't people live peacefully and make other people happy without causing any trouble and chaos.

They actually stopped the bombings for quite a while, about a few months. So it kinda shocked everyone when this happened. Like six bombs bang bang in every corner. One was near a bank, one was near a famous restaurant, and ada dekat rumah my dad's friend and one in front of the hospital.

I love Thailand, its like my second home. It upsets me when things like this happen. I can't imagine how those in Egypt Iraq Afghanistan Syria Palestine etc face it every day and night. God gives them strength, and they have His blessing.

When I think about our world today, I can't help myself but playing "Imagine by John Lennon" and "Heal the world by Michael Jackson" in my head.
We all wish for a better world, but when will we start taking action?

Laila saidah <3 :)

I AM HOME

Sooooo. I just got home today, at 10.30pm. FINALLY. It was a longgggggg drive.

I don't really know what to blog about actually. I'm having a bad headache, but still, I'm sitting here, writing and stuff.

When I got here, I was so tired so I came upstairs, masuk bilik... and my little brother and my nephew were in the room. But they are not that little pun. Both are 15 and 17 respectively. I asked them to get out.. I kinda (yea kinda) yelled at them hahahaha, and kitorang gaduh sebab berebut bilik. I do this a lot. I always fight with my siblings especially my youngest brother ni lah. But I guess thats what we all brothers and sisters do.. What is the beauty of a family without fighting and screaming among each other. Brothers and sisters kat uia pun sama.

So as you guys know, I finished my exam since 8th May lagi. I stayed in Damansara for a few days and hari ni baru balik Kelantan.

Seriously I can't write anymore.  I have to shower and get some meds and sleep. I'm gonna blog a lot throughout this holiday. Be prepared hahaha. Oh yea.. to those yang tak habis exam lagi, all the best!! Sikittttt lagi. Push push push!

Alrightooo. Buenas noches. Goodnight. Selamat Malam. Buona notte. Sanah helwah (is it? not so sure)

CRUSHES

Lets talk about our crushes now.

Since high school lagi, or maybe for some of you.. since primary school lagi, dah ada crushhh.

When I first entered my secondary school, I had a crush on this guy name,,, shozzit I don't remember. But his nickname was Shark sebab rambut dia macam pacak2 sikit. But then I saw him doing dikir barat in some events in school (he did some weird dance) so I un-crushed him hahahaha. Lepas tu there was this guy, senior jugak, nama Aidil. He was like the Calvin Klein model of our school la. Then I saw him kissing with his girlfriend dalam kelas after school, so I un-crushed him jugak!

Then this guy named Siraj. He was the Penolong Ketua Pengawas kat sekolah. Dia gelap sikit, tinggi gila. I had a hugeee crush on him. He was in Form 6 and I was in Form 2. Dari awal tahun sampai akhir tahun.. The next year tu dia dah takde cause he finished his STPM (sedih gila). I think I stopped crushing on guys for a while.

Theeenn, when I was in form 5. I liked (like, bukan crush) this one guy named Solehan (if you're reading this, Hiii Solehan!!!) We follow each other on twitter hahaha. So we had something, la kot. It wasn't an iloveyou-youloveme punya relationship. Solehan is a VERY smart guy. I've always had a thing on smart intelligent guys (we all do, don't we) ;D But it didn't last that long. We are still friends, really. Bukan yang "we can still be friends" then lepas tu tak contact langsung.

Lepas tu I liked a guy, one year younger than me. His name is Syazwan. He was in form 4 at that time. But nothing really happened la. He moved to KL just a few months before my SPM. I was terribly sad to be freaking honest, I cried for days. Hahahaha those times. So yeah lepas tu takde crush dah I guess, I can't recall........ until masuk UIA.

Mehhhh number two

We had our poetry exam today. It was not good. I was aiming for A (beforeeee I see the paper), but now I guess not. Why we students have to take examssnkfjewkfjew. Belajar tu belajar la. We are here to gain knowledge. We study, we know what we are doing. We have fun studying bukan nak bagi students stress. What are exams for.

But maybe I don't know what I'm talking about. I need to ask our Ministry of Education about this hmmm. Someone give me Muhyiddin's number now.

Most of my friends here are graduating. Ughhh I hate it. Sometimes I wish they will fail some subjects so they could still stay here for one more semester. But then noooo. That is bad salsa bad. I want them to pass all subjects!!! InshaAllah inshaAllah.

This was supposed to be my last semester too. But since I failed BTQ in my first semester,,, so yeah. If I didn't extend my stay here, I have to take BTQ and UI at the same time (which is not impossible because sakinah is doing it). But then I have al lughatul arabiah. And kena ambik BMW which is not luxurious at all.

So I decided to extend.. I'm gonna take only three subjects in my long sem, which is next sem lah. They will be - Intro. to IRK, BMW and BTQ!!!! How excitingggg :DDD :((((((  Hopefully I don't fail ya habibi arabiaaahh, so tak payah belajar dah (in cfs je la) WE HAVE TO LEARN BAHASA ARAB SAMPAI LEVEL 5 NANTI PERGI GOMBAK.

I kinda regret it to be honest because now I just can't wait to finish my foundation and go to gombak. But I strongly believe Allah has better plans for us. Yes it was my decision to do this, but its all in God's hand. He is controlling everything.

Mehhhhh

Its 12.15am. And I have Linguistics final exam on Thursday. And I thought 'relax la ada sehari esok nak study'. NOOOO! What is wrong with me. I have to studyyyy. But here I am blogging and tweeting and stuff. What kind of student am I????

I was stalking (?) husna's blog.. Yes there are lots of ramblings, but those are damn good ramblings. Go husna!!!

I was just thinking. Thinking, we never stop thinking do we. I think a lot. I OVER THINK A LOT. I don't know, thats what I do best. I don't even have any point of writing this but i just feel like it. Hope nobody reads it haihh.

I called mami just now. She said she's not that well. She probably couldn't come here for the long call thingy. So yeahhh. Can't wait to go home though. I got my HIMYM series! Thanks to Adly for that :D
I'm listening to I'll Be now. Its midnight and tengah feel jiwang jiwang la konon ni dengan tak study nya. I'll be better when I'm olderrrrr i'll be the greatest fan of your life~~~~

Love is a beautiful thing you see. We are the ones who make it ugly. *ok stop don't start*

Missing homeeee

Its May 5th!!! I'll be home in Kelantan in 5 days woohhooo

Its our final exam week. Everyone is so excited to go back to rumah masing masing. My last paper is on 8th. duwyjwdnasmbsakfhaj I kenot weit enimor.

Mami and Dada are coming here on Wednesday,, or Thursday la kot.. So I'm going back with them on 10th. My sisters just finished their chambering so they'll be having this "long call". Thats what the lawyers call it. They are now certified lawyers!

I miss home and my family so much. Especially my Kakak.. She is one of the best bakers I know (other than Aina). She's the closest to me among my siblings.. I don't know why but I really miss her today. I was talking to her just now. She asked me "Cuti brapo lamo?" And I replied excitedly "Sebuleeeeeyyy." She said "Ok." THATS IT. OKKK JAH. ggrrr.. I asked her to make me strawberry cheese cake when I get homeeeee

Today is her 9th year of marriage. NINE YEARS. Thats amazing. My sister and her husband got married when I was 11, in 2005. Now I'm.... nineteen (its one month till my 20th birthdaaayyy)

Family is one of the greatest blessings God gives you. Love your family, spend time with them. Especially your parents.

"You are growing up. Sometimes you forget your parents are growing old too."

I come from a big family. My eldest brother is 43, and the youngest is 15. My dad just turned 69, and my mom is turning 59. She gave birth to me when she was 39. That is old for a woman to give birth, and its definitely not easy. Especially when the daughter turned out to be me hahahaha. Unlike many of my friends, their moms and dads are only 40-50 years old. My mom and dad could be my grandparents la kalau nak kira..

The gap between our age is huge. So I can really feel it when they say 'your parents are growing old. Show your love before its too late.'

Its very sad to think about it. I don't want to think about it. But I have to. This is life. We all are going to  die eventually. I'm sure you guys feel the same thing, and want the same thing too. We don't want our parents to die. Kalau boleh nak diorang hidup forever.

But its reality. And we have to deal with it.

So everyone.. Love your parents. Don't be shy or afraid to show your love. I call my mom everyday and always tell her I love her.

Before its too late, yes call them now. Sekarang tengah exam lagi.. Trust me, you will feel much better after that.

:D <3

ITS LABOUR DAAAYY :D

Its 2 a.m right now, dah May 1st la kira. So its officially Labour Day woohhoo!

This is the study week for CFSIIUM students, aku pun rasa macam pekerja sebab macam cuti je hahaha. Since its labour day, I want to talk about pekerja pekerja dekat our beloved country, Malaysiaaa :)

As we all know, we have many foreign workers here. Arabs, Bangladeshis, Pakistanis, Indonesians, Thais, Burmese, mat salleh pun ada and banyaaak lagi. You guys can see it too, mat salleh mana ada kerja kat restaurants yang tepi2 jalan macam tu. In my scope, mat salleh semua kerja kat office for big companies here, or embassies. If you're at somewhere near the embassy punya area, you can see lots of mat salleh driving cars with red plate number yang tulis DC kat belakang (I think it stands for Washington DC)

So yeah actually I want to narrow it down to tenaga buruh la. But Labour Day is Hari Buruh kan? Ahh never mind. I wanna share about what I think about these Bangladeshi Indonesian Burmese workers in Malaysia.

Some think bangla this bangla that. Orang indo buat tu orang indo buat ni. We look down on them. Its not good.
Kalau takde diorang, sape nak buat kari ayam and nasi kandar for us when we go to Kayu or Pelita or mana mana lah. Indonesians pulak.. The maids kat rumah semua. Or even makcik cleaner in our UIA itself. Some of makcik cleaners here that I know are really nice. They talk to me macam aku ni anak diorang or adik diorang. They must be missing home a lot. Ada yang dah tua tua datang kerja sini for the sake of money to supply for their family back home in Indonesia.

I have maids at home in Kelantan too. Ada yang dah kerja 16 years with us. And they are good people. Of course we heard cases yang maid pukul baby, or maid rompak rumah, or maid letak racun dalam makanan tuan rumah etc etc. But not all of them are bad. We can't stereotype and think all Indonesians or all Bangladeshis are the same.

We have some Bangladeshi workers in ZC too. Ada yang baru start kerja.. I know this because I managed to chit chat with them for a while hahaha. And yes, they don't understand Malay. I was buying waffles. I ordered "waffles chocolate, garing" At first I was afraid maybe dia tak faham. But he said dia faham. Then bila nak letak tu.. dia letak chocolate, ok la. Then dia tanya "garing ni yang mana?" He asked me which flavour garing was..... hahahaha. Dia ingat garing tu salah satu perisa. So I tried to explain to him macam mana, tapi dia tak faham jugak so takpe lah. I surrender.

But you see, some people don't have the patient to bersabar dengan diorang kalau diorang tak faham bahasa macam ni. Dude come on. They try their best to understand us, trust me..

Sometimes we people are selfish. We don't try to put ourselves in their situation. What would we do if we were them. How would we feel if we were treated this way.. We never think of that.

We are proud of our nation.. Of our country Malaysia. So do something to make them proud of us too lah. Jangan nak proud dekat luar luar je. Luar and dalam biar sama.

Anyways, its Labour Day. Happy holiday to all workers!!! Malaysians toooo. Teachers officers pak guard mak guard UIA semua. Banyak sangat nak list.

You guys have funnn! Me and Husna are going for a borong-buku-date esok :D

P.S : Excuse me kalau ada errors in grammar or spelling ke apa apa. Ngantukkkk. Buenas noches <3

MUSIC

In the society that we're living, music plays a very important part. People love music. I do too. Sometimes people judge you based on what genre you listen to, what kind of music do you like.. For me, it doesn't really matter. Music is something relaxing.

However, when people ask me "What kind of music do you listen to?" I don't know how to answer, how to say it.. I don't really have a specific genre. I listen to everything. Universal listener la tu hahah. But I prefer to more relaxing song, I don't like it hard. I love 'I don't wanna miss a thing' by Aerosmith though.. Thats kind of more to rock kan? Seeee I don't know genre tu macam mana ke apa. Aku main dengar je. Lagu yang aku rasa best, aku dengar la. I'm a boring person, I know *sighs*

My mind goes blank when people ask me about this. I prefer talking about books! *nerdy salsaaaa*

Nevertheless, I'm still gonna share with you guys the songs that I like.. I love 'Sunrise by Norah Jones' and 'Imagine by John Lennon' (of course). A few of The Beatles.. 'Isn't she lovely by Stevie Wonder', 'Home by Michael Buble', 'Stay the same by Joey McIntyre', 'Karma Chameleon by Culture Club' is my all time favourite! And I love Mariah Carey.. You guys can try listening to Greg Laswell too.. what else ehhh. hmmm.. Oh I love Maroon 5, and lagu lagu lama All American Rejects. oh one moreeee, 'High by Lighthouse Family'.

Ada banyaaak lagi. Tapi takkan la nak letak semua hahaha. So yeah.. You guys can see la what kind of songs that I listen to. You can say I'm a boring person when you see this, but sometimes I'm funny too hahahaha. I make fun of myself a lot, you can laugh as much as you want.

OH, and I love Latin songs.. Yang macam classical sikit tu aku suka la. If you give me some latin songs that I've never heard of, I will gladly have a listen to it :)

I LOVE HIMYM

While everyone is busy studying for APT tomorrow, I'm here thinking of what to blog :D

I got back to CFS today from Damansara.. Lepas tu pergi makan. Lepas tu pergi library kononnya nak study Arab la. Masuk je library rasa malaaaaas gila. So I came back to my room. Solat solat, naik katil bukak laptop. Tengok notes yang ustaz masa level 1 dulu bagi, pastu tidur. The thunder and lightning tadi scared the heck out of me. Because I don't like rain, I prefer to stay in the room lah. 

I woke up at 5 just now, and rasa macam nak blog something je cause I still feel the excitement of having a blog hahaha. 

How I Met Your Mother.. Ted Marshall Lily Robin Barney. I love all five. But I gotta say Barney is my favourite. And Robin maigod she is gorgeous! I love her in The Avengers. 

Anyways, I'm sure everyone knows about this series I'm talking about. Some of people that I know keep comparing it with Friends.. Ughhh.. I didn't watch Friends. Friends tu masa my sister and my brother-in-law tengah dating (they are now 9 years married). I think I did watch a few episodes though, but thats it. Well, I love How I Met Your Mother.. I've watched every single episode for I don't know how many times.. until Season 7 je ahahahaha. YES. You can't really say I'm a true fan of the series since it has ended sampai Season 9 dah, tapi aku tak tengok sampai habis pun lagi. I don't have the seriesss, I'm not a movie downloader (??) I don't download movies or series in my laptop. I watched HIMYM dalam star world je.. And when I came to UIA, stuck la tak tau nak tengok kat mana. 

I can't wait for this ONE MONTH holiday. I'm gonna watch HIMYM, Gossip Girl (yes I just started with GG), and Revengeee. Scandal is awesome too (I love Mr. President) I need someone to do me a favour and download the whole series hahaha. But I have Adly, I told him about this but I'm afraid he might be busy with exams so dia tak ingat ke apa. 

So yeah. I think I have to study now. Kena pergi library nanti. Ciaaoo. 

Just in case I got bored or something, I'll make a new post tonight ehehehee 

TWO POSTS IN ONE NIGHT :D

OK new post. I'm excited weiiiii hahahaha. Its not illegal to have many posts in one day right? :P

Esok ada EPT. Lusa ada APT.. hdojsbagdadhwoiuwidajhk Good luck to everyone yang ada EPT esok! To those yang ambik APT, ya habibiiii kita tempuhi bersama sama. I think its great that UIA bust placement test macam ni. EPT tu, we can really improve our english. Nama pun international university. Even though sometimes aku geram cause I have to deal with arabic FOUR times a week, but, we got ourselves into this.

I still remember when I told my school friends about how bad I wanted to be in UIA, to study here. They asked me "sure ko bella? Keno belajar arab tau dok" And I said "yeah sure lah" Now I keep bragging about how hard it is. Tapi memang susah pun hahahaha but inshaAllah I can do this. Sampai Level 5! :D

You know the famous quote 'everything happens for a reason'. Its very true. God is doing everything, everything that is happening around us. Some of you guys already know that I was born in 1994 (turning 20, im still 19. tak sampai birthday lagiiiii) So here's the story lah.

I was supposed to enroll in CFSIIUM in November 2012. I applied for UPU in 2012, after my SPM in 2011. My first choice was Law, 2nd was English, and my 3rd choice was Human Science. So yeah, I didn't get the 1st intake, neither the 2nd. But I still put my hopes to get to UIA. I checked my mails.. Emails and surat kat rumah, semua takde.. Sampai December 2012 tak dapat jugak. So my dad decided to enroll me in Inti College, nak ambik Law jugak la kononnya hahaha. Bila nak daftar je, I found out that I actually got the offer to UIA for the November intake. And the course yang aku dapat was LAW. They phoned me somewhere in October la kot. But I was in Thailand at that time so I had no idea. My dad's friend (a lecturer in UIA Gombak), asked me to apply again. Bukan ngan UPU dah la, apply direct ngan UIA. So I did.

And after one year of waiting. I got the call. And course yang aku dapat was BEN. Then I thought, ben pun ben lah. I love English anyway. So here I am nowww! I'm taking BEN and I'm loving it. I can't imagine myself reading Law. I don't think it'd suit me. I respects the ones taking Law. Three of my sisters are Law graduate from IIUM. One of them is now working in Seoul for Malaysian Embassy. Dua orang lagi (twins) just finished their chambering.

You see.. God knows what is the best for you. He is the best planner. Kalau aku masuk sini one year earlier, my whole life would be totally different. Different subjects, different friends, different lecturers.. Everyone that I have met so far has been incredible. And I've wanted to be a journalist for a long time. And maybe by taking BEN, I can pursue my dreaaam!

Thats all for tonight lahh, I'm sleepy ahahaa.
Goodnight! <3

I HAVE A BLOG!

Hellooo everyone :D

I've been wanting to have a blog since forever. But since i'm buta IT, I didn't know how to do it. I'm at home in Damansara and Athirah is with me, so she kinda guided me. And with Husna's help through whatsapp, I successfully managed to own a blog! Woohhooo

I think owning a blog is a really great idea. Its a medium where you can express your thoughts sepanjang mana yang kau nak, takde limit limit (I still love twitter though). I have so many things on my mind that I wanna share right now, I don't know where to even start!

Anyways, cheers for a new blog Salsa! :))

**here's a selfie for you. To those who know me, you know I don't really selfie yaww aight

xoxo gossip girl ahahahhahaha