CFS IS NOT CFS

CFS is not fun anymore. This is only the 2nd week for the semester and it feels like months dah.. I don't know what to do.

I feel so lonely and kinda lost too, not seeing people that I know. As I said before, most of my classmates have graduated. They are now waiting to go to Gombak in Septenber inshaAllah. I miss everyone. Husna especially. And Marissa Ara Sakinah Aisyah Fatin Hafiza Minaaaa semua lah.

I have no one to go night walking, and dropping by UKC to buy ABC. I miss doing that with Husna. And we would walk around the campus, talking about stuff. We walk we talk we stalk. Hahahhaa. I miss Ara for always been the one who takes pictures of us after every class on Fridays.

I miss our first semester too. That was the best really. It was June last year.. Meeting everyone for the first time. That feeling of meeting new people and knowing everyone. The enthusiasm and the energy I had. I wonder where did that go. I need to find it again, its still there, somewhere.

When I first talked to Maryam in our BTQ class. When I first saw Ibrahim walking back and forth to IRKHS Department. When I first saw Hassan masa dia ada rambut lagi ahahahah. I talked to Sajiah the first time at pasar malam when I thought she was Maryam. It didn't take that much time for us to be friends. Afghanis know how to make friends, I'm telling you the truth. And Hibaaa, that smarty pants Algerian girl. I still remember when she asked for my BBpin. And Alya of course, I first met her mat pasar malam jugak. I was so surprised to know that she is also from Kelantan! Wafiiiii.. I met him at Ali Bi. He was with Hassan, and it was in Ramadhan.. yeah. They came to our table and kitorang chit chat. I saw him a few times before that though. He was the tallest guy in CFS kot, before Kamal came hahahaha.

I just can't wait to finish everything here, and move to Gombak in January, or February I'm not sure. I hope theres a brighter life for me, and a brighter love hahahahaha (Lala Lam if you're reading this, hiiiii hehehehe peace) Lala Lam is my eldest brother. His name is Alam Khan but I call him Lala Lam. Lala is like Abang macam tu la :))


P.S :   I will remember this as long as I could. I'm not gonna say forever because forever is too long ;)  But these are all memories. And memories stay with us forever.

Love <3

To do what you want to do

My cousin's husband, who is pretty close to me, asked me something today..

"What are you going to do after you finished studying? Are you gonna find a job?"

And I said "Yes of course."

Then he asked "What about after you get married?"

Soooo okay..

Living in my family.. we are Pathans. And some of us still stick to our tradition/culture/anything you call it about women should stay at home when they are married to take care of their husband and kids. Most of my dad's friends think the same way too (this is hard ok)

I am an ambitious person..  Hahaha am I? Anyway as I said before.. I want to travel the world.  I want to work. I want to do the job that I love doing. I want to write. I want to be a writer. I want the world to know my name. I want my family to be proud of me.
Also.. I want a family of my own. I want a good husband. I want to have kids. I want to spend time with my family. I want to go picnics with them. And also my family now.. My parents, my siblings, my nephews and nieces when they're all grown up.. I want to see them growing up (thats one of the most beautiful things in the world), and I'm going to want to spend time with my little grown up monkeys later on in my life.

Will I be able to do so much things in life? Will I be able to do all these? I'm not the kind of person who can just stay in one place for the rest of my life. I need to keep moving. I need to explore new place, new food, new what else you name it.

This is not easy. I'm already thinking so much about everything I can't help myself! My brain is coping with many things right now. But yeah, our brain never stop working.


To the women who sacrifice their education and work for the sake of having a family.. I, SALUTE YOU. I don't think I can do that. #girlpower

Happy birthday Salsabila!

Soooo, its passed midnight. I am now twenty years and one day old.

I was at home the whole day. It rained heavily today. And as you all know, I'm not fond of rain. So I stayed at home, went out for a while but I was just in the car.

And yeah, I'm not actually in Pasir Mas right now. I'm in Golok! My sister lives here. My parents are here too now. Golok is like my second home. My granddad lives here. I only have one grandparent now. My grandfather from Dada's side passed away a loooong time ago since before I was born. My grandmother from Mami's side passed away in 2012. And Dada's mother passed away just recently, in April. God I miss them so much.

About the birthday celebration today.. I had two cakes. Hahaha. Dada bought one cake for me, and another one was from Lala Lam. They didn't know they were both bringing cakes for me. Semua habis,  I think. It wasn't that much though. Not my whole family was here. There were a quarter of my siblings, my aunties (not all) and my cousins (not all).

I don't know why but I've always wanted to have a surprise birthday party. Like someone throwing you a surprise birthday party. I love surprises :D Wait wait.. I gotta wait till my 21st birthday hahahaha. Someone is gonna show up and throw me the best birthday celebration!!  ....hmm....

I would love it if everyone gathers together for my birthday. Family gathering, thats what I love the most. To see all those happy faces, the gossips, the laughs and love.

And birthday gifts!! Maybe people think when you get older, they don't feel the need to get you presents on your birthday. Well I want birthday presents. I STILL DO! They are the bestttt.

My nephew came to me early this morning when I was still in bed.. He whispers "happy birthday moksu Bila." Its so cute. I'm so blessed to have the monkeys with me. I wrestle them every single day. I don't have to go to gym and work out anymore. I have them, no worries. I chase them around the house everyday. Hahaha

To you guys who have wished me "happy birthday" "hb" and all those long speeches (hahaha).. I wanna say thank you. THANK YOU SO MUCH. I love birthday wishes too :))) You have no idea how happy I am, and I appreciate every one of them. Thank you for remembering. Some of you might have marked it on your calendar, or Facebook reminded you of it hahahah.



Anyhow, a big thank you to all!!! I love you guys <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

VEINTEEEE! :D

Its 1 am, June 4th 2014. I AM OFFICIALLY TWENTY YESSSS

I was born at 1.15am twenty years ago at Hospital USM, Kelantan. Thats a very long time ago eh, hahaha.

To be honest, I wasn't very excited about turning 20, really. I like being nineteen. I turned 19 in 2013. And 2013 is by far, my favourite year. Lets see what 20 awaits me!

I look forward to my birthday every year, but who doesn't duhhh. What else do I want to say, ermmm, I actually have to think here, hmmm okay hold on. . . . . . .  . . .

Oh yeah... I bet most people do something crazy or fun or something that they can remember forever before turning TWENTY since theres no TEEN in it anymore ahahah.

What I did was,, reading A Thousand Splendid Suns and was crying like mad. Yeah. Khaled Hosseini is truly an amazing storyteller.

I still can't believe it though. I am twenty. Like, is this real? Is this really happening? And everyone is saying that I don't look 20 at all, and I don't act like one too.
But does that really matter? I think what matters the most is whats in your heart. If your heart is strong enough to face the world, then you gooo. You can live the world out there, with strength and courage and love, thats the most important :) <3

Oh yeah, and I'm blogging. I'm blogging on the night I turn 20 (gotta remember this)

Btw, today is also Ashman's birthday. Happy birthdaaaay Ashman!!! My little twinnieeee hahaha